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Why'd you only call me when you needed to ask me a question or let me know where you were

miniaturewhiski:

y’all getting really specific like “where are all the indie boys with messy shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes who are between 6’ and 6’4 whose favourite vampire weekend album is contra but knows mvotc is their best album and drinks their coffee black with 3.2 sugars and smokes cheap cigarettes on a balcony at 2:23 am” like….. chill

cobrastxrship:

i didnt even know pete wentz was pregnant

yoshio-yoshida:

Oh my god youre straight? I had no idea. You seem normal to me. Did you know that Sara is straight to? You two should totally hook up. I cant believe youre straight. You could be my straight best friend. We could go to football games together. Itll be so much fun. So like how long have you been straight? Youre whole life!? No way.

thmmrs:

keep your friends close and your fall out boy cds closer

Best of Autocorrect

damonssalvatoree:

lordofthedawn:

rocknrollercoaster:

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I got to “Dad” and had to scroll down and reblog for a break because I laughed so hard I nearly threw up twice.

"Killing her seems a bit harsh"

Real Hacker vs Movie Hacker

real hacker: So you say you're gonna break into our local nuclear power plant? I really don't think that's possible
movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* I'm in
real hacker: But the power plant's computers aren't even connected to the internet
movie hacker: I said I'm in. Now I'll cause a meltdown *types a few keystrokes* Done
real hacker: What do you mean done? There have to be many redundant safeguards in place to stop a meltdown. In any case, a meltdown would take time.
movie hacker: Want me to break into the CIA next?
real hacker: I don't even think you should attempt to...
movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* Too late. I'm in
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